


To you, I shall run.

by seiauton



Series: Our Farewell to Arms [3]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Lives, Boys In Love, Coming Out, Don't copy to another site, Emotions, Fix-It, M/M, Manga Spoilers, eiji's sister is a treasure, i'll try to get the other one up soon, not quite intentionally, sing gets some of the attention he deserves, things get rolling, two chapters this time cause why the hell not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-22 20:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17066258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seiauton/pseuds/seiauton
Summary: Walking up those stairs, Eiji hoped that it would be the last time Ash and he would have to reunite in a hospital.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for tuning in again! This time, I will post two chapters under this title. Please consider leaving me a comment to let me know what you think about my work!
> 
> MANGA SPOILERS.

The rusted hinges gave a loud creek as Sing pushed open the backdoor. The wood was chipped and somewhat deformed so that it scratched against the floor, making an ugly sound that matched the overall impression that the building gave off.

Sing had been desperate in coming here, just a little over a week ago. He had needed someone who wouldn't ask questions, who wouldn't side with other fractions in exchange for some cash or other bribes. He had needed someone who had no interest in seeing Ash Lynx dead for his own benefit or that of others. And this place, well, it had been the first to pop into Sing's head.

Qiu Huang was a doctor who fit all the needed criteria. However, rumor had it that the man lacked in other qualities as he was known for his odd character more so than his medical skills. Pressed for time and secrecy, Sing had decided to bet it all on him, and he was fortunate that, in the end, he seemed to have been right to do so. Ash lived, all thanks to this doctor.

Upon first laying sight on Ash as he had hung heavily on Sing's shoulder, Qiu had sprung into action and saved Ash's life with an immediate surgery and intensive aftercare. Though Sing had not been present for most of it, he had been shocked to see the resources Qiu had at his disposal. Not just medicines had been stacked in those shelves, but Qiu also had access to human blood that he stored in a freezer.

Sing had questions, and a lot of them.

He made his way inside the building, up a flight of stairs and through yet another door. He had entered through the back since, apparently, Qiu had deemed it necessary to barricade the front. For protection, he'd said, briskly, when Sing had inquired about what the hell was going on. Sing knew better than to question him again and merely considered himself lucky that Qiu had left at least the one entrance as was. Sing wasn't necessarily eager to break in through one of the windows, though maybe Qiu had decided to board those up, too.

“Paranoid geezer,” Sing muttered under his breath, shortly before reaching the main room of the building. It looked as though it didn't belong here at all; clean, modern, fresh. In the room right behind this one, Qiu had performed surgery on Ash.

This time, Qiu was sitting on a chair with a gun in his hand, his bulging eyes flicking nervously from one side to the other. His thin hair was drawn back in a short pony tail.

Bones and Kong were sprawled out on the couch but immediately looked up at Sing when he entered. They didn't seem overly surprised by Qiu, who jumped to his feet that very moment.

“S—Stay back!” The man yelled, his teeth gritted as he pointed the gun at Sing.

Sing moved his hands in a calming gesture, tensing in spite of himself. “Easy there, dude. Wouldn't want any more injured here.”

As expected, Qiu's shoulders dropped. He lowered the gun, all the while muttering an apology under his breath. “Sorry. B--bit jumpy today.”

“I can see that,” Sing said. “How is he?”

“No different than when you stopped by yesterday,” Qiu said, dropping back on his chair. The gun remained in his hands, his fingers dragging along the barrel. “He will need more time to recover, some more weeks till he can walk.”

Sing nodded. “Make sure he does.”

One of Ash's gang members snorted in response, the smaller one. He averted his eyes when Sing glared at him, and with that, Sing decided to drop it. He understood why there was distrust. After all, Ash wouldn't be here had it not been for Sing and his brother Lao.

If only you'd listened to me, Sing thought. If only I had been a better leader.

He pushed past the doctor and entered an adjacent room, the patient's room.

It was dark inside, the windows hidden behind curtains, and the air smelled stale. Ash appeared to be sleeping, but Sing knew he wasn't. No way Sing could walk in here without him noticing.

“Still playing Sleeping Beauty?” Sing teased. He closed the door behind him, one hand in his trouser pockets.

Ash huffed, weakly. One of his eyes was open. “Just don't try to kiss me awake.”

Sing pulled up the chair next to Ash's bed and sat on it backward. He put his arms on the backrest.

As soon as he was seated, he started right away with the reason for his coming, “I called Eiji, earlier.”

Of course it drew Ash's full attention to him. His gaze seemed focused and sharp, almost like Ash's usual stare had it not been for his sickly complexion and unwashed hair. He was pale, even for a white boy.

“Why?”

“To bring him up to speed. He was missing out on some things he had a right to know about.”

Ash's frown deepened, but Sing didn't let it deter him.

“He's fine, by the way. Though it seemed like he was arguing with someone. His mum, I think. He, well--”

“He wants to come back.”

Sing nodded, reluctantly. “Yeah. And he will soon by the sound of it.”

Sing licked his lips. “I know it's none of my business,” he said. “But I think you should go with him this time. You've done what you needed to do here; your slate's clean. Everyone's in your debt.”

Sing especially.

Ash looked away and said nothing.

“Give it some thought. A change of scenery would be good for ya, man.”

“Is that all?”

Sing wondered. Yes, in fact, that was all. Maybe he shouldn't have bothered coming for just this, but he had started to care about both Ash and Eiji more than he let on. He admired Ash, but something told him that Eiji too had qualities that, somehow, drew in not just Ash but also himself. Their attraction was different without a doubt, but Sing had taken an interest in the person who had caused such a change in the stone-cold killer Ash Lynx.

“My boys are starting to accept what happened,” he told him. “Some still have it out for you and your gang, but I'll make sure they won't get any funny ideas.”

With regret, he added, “I've learned from my mistakes.”

Ash nodded, and it seemed as though this was the end of their conversation. Sing was about to stand up when Ash looked at him again. Something about that gaze made Sing remain seated.

“You are a good leader,” Ash said. “Maybe precisely because you don't want to be one.”

Sing remained motionless, but his insides had stirred. Whether or not he agreed with Ash, he had never expected to hear such words of praise. And now that he did hear them, Sing felt shame more so than glee.

“As I said, dude. I'm learning.”

 

* * *

 

Days had passed since Eiji's argument with his mother. They hadn't spoken since, though Eiji wondered if maybe he had been unjustified in speaking to her the way he had. He didn't necessarily avoid her, but whenever they were in the same room, he couldn't think of the right words to start a conversation. Should he apologize? He wondered. While he understood his mother's worries, he still couldn't let that deter him from doing what he knew to be right.

Eiji sat on the floor, around him boxes and boxes of film and already developed photographs. He sorted through the pictures he had made while in America to determine which of them were usable and which of them weren't. Unsurprisingly, many of them, if not the majority, showed Ash. The ones dating back longer didn't show Ash's face, maybe his torso or the back of his head as he sat with his fellow gang members.

Eiji remembered that, at their first meeting, Ash had asked them for anonymity, but Eiji had soon forgotten about this rule, as apparent by the countless pictures of him taken later.

After being kidnapped, after Ash's stay in the hospital, he and Eiji had soon grown closer, and Ash hadn't seemed to mind Eiji pointing a camera at his face anymore. It had been fun, truly, to catch him off guard with it sometimes.

Some of the pictures had turned out goofy, while others showed Ash completely unawares and utterly beautiful; Ash standing by the window, his hair golden in the evening sun; Ash midst wind-swept grass; Ash on the back of a truck lifting his sunglasses; Ash reading at night.

The more time they had spent together, the less Eiji had thought about work when picking up the camera and the more he had decided to have fun, to capture moments they had spent together. He only now realized just how many pictures he had taken, how many moments there had been.

He sorted these pictures into a separate pile, for safekeeping, while collecting the others to hand over to Ibe-san the next day. Ibe-san's publisher had, despite the major delay, expressed an interest in buying at least some of the pictures. With enough luck, Eiji would receive a sufficient amount of money to cover for the flight back to America and maybe even the return flight to Japan.

He hoped, wished, he would need yet another ticket then.

He wondered about this, about Ash, when someone knocked at his door. Eiji looked up to find his sister Seiko stick her head in, momentarily searching before lowering her gaze to meet his as she found him sitting on the floor.

“Hey, bro,” she said.

Eiji waved her in with a smile.

“What's up?” he asked, but Seiko joined him on the ground wordlessly. She pulled her knees close to her body and, unsurprisingly, took a look at the mess Eiji had made of his room.

“You sure took a lot of them.”

And, yes, he had. Various sized boxes were littered across the floor, pieces of film were strewn about and thrown in with other photographs that Eiji thought fitted together in one way or another.

“I did,” he admitted with a shrug. “I got carried away a little bit.”

“Is it alright for you to sit here?”

Even now, his injuries hadn't healed fully.

“It doesn't hurt much.” But it hurt some.

Seiko seemed to hear this in his words, and she frowned a little. However, she didn't comment on it and instead reached for one of the pictures. It was one of Ash's, of course.

“He's handsome.”

Eiji laughed. “He is, isn't he?”

“He's in most of them.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Seiko spent a little longer looking at Ash's pictures before turning to Eiji again. “Is he Ash?”

Eiji said nothing.

“He is, isn't he? The boy you want to go back to America for.”

“Seiko--”

“My good luck charm worked then?”

She gave a shy smile, and all Eiji could do was stare.

“I know you're gay, you know?”

“Ah.” Eiji stiffened, suddenly very interested in the piece of film he was holding. It showed a fire hydrant, not Ash. What a great shot it was, so very worthy of closer inspection.

“I don't care,” Seiko continued. “Mum might, but she doesn't know yet, I don't think, and I sure won't tell her.”

Seiko leaned closer, now too looking at the film. She gave a snort before bumping her shoulder into his. It relieved some of the tension, and Eiji soon realized that he was smiling.

 

Ibe-san's publisher ended up buying most of the pictures. Eiji wondered about it, hadn't expected it, but he was nevertheless glad for it. With this money, Eiji could afford the plane ticket to America.

He booked the flight online the same day and packed his things at night while everyone was sleeping. He didn't want to leave without his mother knowing about it, without having said goodbye to her, but Eiji wondered if it wouldn't be better for the both of them if he did just that to spare them both the confrontation.

When he asked Seiko about it, she turned very quiet, before saying, “She'll be mad, but... I don't think you should tell her.”

In the end, Eiji decided to leave behind a letter for his mother to find. Eiji had had it with letters, actually, but he thought it better than to vanish without any word at all.

He sat on his work desk, scratching his head as he pondered on what to write.

 _I'll come back as soon as I can_ , he started. And he would.

That was, so long as they would have him. The thought made him grab his pen tightly.

_I'm sorry for..._

No, it was all wrong. He balled up the sheet and started again.

_I'll come back as soon as I can.  
I love y..._

Eiji sighed. In the trash bin again. He stared at it, wondered if it mattered at all what he wrote. Regardless of how he phrased it, he would break his mother's heart.

He closed his eyes and decided that, yes, it was worth doing this. He wrote,

_I'll come back as soon as I can._

 

This short letter, more of a note really, he put on the kitchen table early the next morning. The sun wasn't up yet, but Seiko had decided to wake in time to see him off. She was still wearing her pajamas, and Eiij thought she looked as though she hadn't slept much at all this last night. Eiji worried she would fall asleep on her way to school that day.

Being with her again had made him realize how much he had missed her while abroad. She was quiet, and fierce, and smart. Just thinking about how she lay awake in bed, worrying for him, made Eiji feel tears well up in his eyes. He blinked them away and smiled instead.

“Thank you, sis,” he told her.

Seiko watched him silently as he put on his jacket and threw on his backpack. When he was done, they looked at each other. Eiji didn't know how to say goodbye, but Seiko managed.

“...Have a safe trip,” she said before her eyes too started to glisten. Eiji wasted no time to hug her close again, one last time. Her smaller body was shaking against his. She dug her fingers into his back, tensed as though scared he would break the embrace.

It was like she expected to never see him again. Eiji's throat became tight.

“I'll come back with Ash,” he promised. “Then you'll get to meet him too, okay?”

Seiko nodded against him, firmly, before she gently pushed him away. Her face was wet with tears, but her smile was genuine. She made a fist and bumped it gently against his chest, something she had done when Eiji had left the first time around. It almost overwhelmed him, but her words snapped him out of it.

“Be careful,” she said.

“You too,” he replied.

Eiji left carrying nothing but his backpack. All he needed would be right there in America, waiting for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everyone!  
> This chapter was rather difficult for me to write, and I'm still not fully satisfied with it. But, I wanted to get it out today, so I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what you think!

Walking up those stairs, Eiji hoped that it would be the last time Ash and he would have to reunite in a hospital. Every time, it was as though something had changed between them forever, like gears had shifted and clicked into place. They would turn faster, smoother, more efficient. By now, the two of them must be like a well-oiled machine, perfectly in tune.  
  
Eiji wished that it made a difference and that fate would be kind to them from now on; kind enough so that the good would last even when troubles continued to follow them. Maybe what he wanted were more chances to reunite, to push away the final goodbye time and time again.

Sa-yo-na-ra. Eiji wondered if the bitter taste that appeared on his tongue whenever he as much as thought that word would vanish some day.

Ash had pronounced it oddly, a little foreign, but the emotion behind it still managed to send a shiver down Eiji’s spine. And now, he also felt rage. He was angry at Ash’s fate, at Lao for the injury he had caused, the pain and suffering that America continued to thrust upon people who were least to deserve it.  
  
In front of Eiji, Kong's broad shoulders blocked the view. He had waited for Eiji at the airport and escorted him here, to a seemingly abandoned building in China town. Though they hadn’t talked much, Eiji was glad to see him. And, if Kong’s faint smile was any indication, the feeling was mutual. It was comforting to know that Ash was never truly alone.

Once they arrived at the top of the stairs, Kong led the way into what appeared to be a doctor’s office. The walls were a blinding white, and medicines were stacked orderly on various shelves.

Bones was standing next to a table, his arms crossed in front of his chest, and his eyes were fixed onto a middle-aged man with hunched posture and bulging eyes. There was a gun on the table, Eiji realized, only after he noticed the man sending hurried glances toward it.  
  
That was, until he locked his eyes on Eiji.  
  
“You’re sure he’s--”  
  
“Eiji!” Bones greeted, his expression relaxing momentarily. “Go on, Ash is straight through that door.” He pointed to his right, not sparing a glance at who Eiji realized must be the doctor.  
  
The man was wearing casual clothes, a sweater and beige pants rather than the typical white cloak associated with his profession. Eiji felt a little silly for not having realized earlier, but he already made for the door Bones had indicated.  
  
“You’re _sure--_ ”  
  
“ _Yes_ , doc. How many times--”  
  
Eiji ignored them and entered the patient’s room.  
  
Ash’s eyes instantly found his.

Something felt different. Eiji didn’t know what it was, nor could he describe it. It was like nails digging into his skin and scratching at his heart, like a sensation of unease that lingered there underneath the joy and relief.  
  
He had needed to see Ash again as soon as possible. He had known that something was wrong before even departing from America, but once he had learned the rough circumstances of what had occurred, he had felt the urge tenfold. Maybe what Eiji felt now was the very same emotion. But, he was already here, Ash right in front of him.  
  
So why?

Eiji sat down next to the bed, giving a smile.

“I was worried,” he said. “I’m very relieved that you are fine now.”  
  
His hand was quick to find Ash’s. Eiji noticed the roughness of his fingers, the slight chill in them. He held on a little tighter, willing his own warmth to chase away the cold.  
  
“I wouldn’t say fine,” Ash countered, a little awkwardly, a little out of place. Eiji noticed. He saw that the smile on Ash’s face didn’t fully reach his eyes. “They won’t let me get up for the next couple of weeks. An exaggeration, if you ask me, but…”  
  
“Don’t say that. Listen to the doctor.” Eiji pulled together his brows for emphasis.  
  
“Yeah, yeah.”  
  
And then, they became quiet. It wasn’t for a lack of topics, Eiji knew that. He averted his eyes the moment Ash did; A deflection? Uncertainty, maybe.  
  
Again, Eiji didn’t quite know what it was.  
  
He brought his other hand to lay on top of Ash’s as well. Eiji grabbed it from both sides now as he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. That action changed something, caused a little stir in Ash. Eiji could tell by the twitch in his hand.  
  
“My letter--”  
  
Again.  
  
“--Did you read it?”  
  
Slowly, Eiji looked up at Ash. They looked at each other.  
  
“I did.”  
  
Eiji nodded. He wanted to know if this suspicion that had grown inside him, that had festered during the flight here, had any merit to it. He couldn’t make sense of Ash’s injury were it not for this thought, this worry, that had it not been for that letter, Ash wouldn't be injured.  
  
And yet, Eiji refrained from bringing it up, merely repeated his previous nod to himself.  
  
There was no need to ask. Ash couldn’t run away now, not if he wanted to, given how he was chained to the bed. It wasn’t fair to ask, not fair to force him to answer and certainly not to provoke an argument when Ash was this weak. Eiji didn't want to argue when he'd hardly just gotten him back. He didn’t ever want to argue with him.  
  
This wrist he was holding, it was so thin.

“I want you to come to Japan with me,” Eiji said. “I mean it.”  
  
“Eiji---”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it now. Just … consider it. For me.”  
  
Maybe within these next few weeks, they could come to a decision that would please both of them. So long as Eiji showed patience, he hoped to melt away the resistance and fear that surrounded Ash like a wall. So long as they were together, Eiji didn't care what happened to him.  
  
Ah, Eiji thought. He might know now what that earlier feeling was.

His sister’s words echoed in his mind, the sweet smile on her face.

Her charm had worked indeed. Maybe better than she had intended.

 

 

“--I’ve been telling you, it wasn’t like that.” Eiji leaned forward, his hands grabbing the fabric covering his knees. “I didn’t run away because I’ll go back. It’s different.”  
  
Ash rose a brow, making Eiji falter in his certainly. Ash could tell by the way he deflated.  
  
“You still ran away, even if you intend to go back,” he said. “You shouldn’t have.”  
  
And yet, Ash was glad that he had. To see Eiji again was a blessing, unexpected and as a result all the more beautiful. His heart had soared the moment he had laid eyes on him, yet crashed the instance he had realized that all this joy could only ever be temporary. He had thought that he would be more resistant toward it now, but he felt deeply how wrong this impression had been.  
  
Ash looked at Eiji, and he understood that he very almost would have lost this moment. Eiji’s face was full of unsaid emotion, hidden somewhere deep inside. It made Ash’s throat become tight.

How would he ever learn to live again without Eiji there by his side?  
  
Ash had given up on life for Eiji’s sake, but now he felt that, when looking at him, Eiji was saved only when he had been returned to him. It didn’t make sense. It was untrue to think it. But Eiji’s words and gestures, they made Ash believe it was true.  
  
He ached all over, thinking it.  
  
Eiji’s forever meant more than anything else in the world.

“Make sure you make up with your family. You make it sound like they are good people.”

Eiji lowered his gaze, still smiling, but dim. Ash wondered what it was all about. There was something Eiji wasn’t telling him.

“You think you’d endanger us, don’t you?”

Ah, so they would get into it after all. Ash sighed, leaned back against the head of the bed.

“I know you’re tired. I’m sorry, Ash.”

But Ash shook his head. “I was wondering when you’d want to talk about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Again with your sorrys…” It was endearing how much Eiji cared. Ash realized they were holding hands again. Or, well, Eiji was holding his. When Ash closed his fingers around Eiji’s in return, he noticed the slight drop in his shoulders, the added pressure against his hand.

They smiled at each other. Despite everything, they smiled and smiled and smiled. Ash found it uncanny, almost.

His smile dropped. He said, “I wanted to go with you after I read your letter. But now, I don’t know if it would be the right decision. I can’t run away from who I am, not after all the things I’ve done. You wouldn’t ever be safe with me.”

Eiji listened quietly, but he gave no immediate reaction. They both knew what Ash said was true. Ash doubted Eiji would find an argument that could convince him otherwise.

“I feel safe with you. I’m not scared.”

Ash looked away.

“I’m never scared of you, Ash.”

“That might be the problem.”

Maybe that, right from the start, had been the reason for why they had fallen so fast. They were still falling, and Ash dreaded the time when they would collide with the ground.

Eiji licked his lips. “Even so, that doesn’t change anything. I want you to come with me because I want you to live happily, away from the violence. But I also--”

Ash looked up.

“--I also want you to come to Japan because it would make me happy. You hear? It’s something I want, too. For myself.”

For the first time in his life, Ash felt happy to be susceptible to another’s selfishness. For the first time, he heard ‘I love you’ without actually hearing it.

Could he really be so selfless as to let this feeling go forever?

 

 

Max and Jessica stopped by the next day. Ash knew not who told them his whereabouts, but it was a pleasant visit nonetheless. Admittedly, Ash didn't quite show his joy at first, but they eventually managed to drag it out and make it show on his face.  
  
Somehow, Max had earned a spot in Ash's heart that had been vacant up until recently. He didn't know what it was like to have a father who had proven himself worthy of that title, but he felt that Max was closest to it.  
  
“I can't believe you,” Max said. “Vanishing without a trace again. Making us think you've died. _Again_.” He slapped his hands on his knees.  
  
“Next time, I won't worry for you, you brat. Well--” he pouted now--”Maybe a little.”  
  
He brought his forefinger and thumb together, allowing just a little bit of space between those digits. “This little, you hear me! Even less!”  
  
Jessica slapped his shoulder. “Stop being an idiot, Max,” she scolded him. “You almost cried when you thought something had happened to him.”

“How dare you! You don’t--”

“You sobbed all over the morning paper! You know--”

Ash and Eiji exchanged a quick glance. At least, it was supposed to be a quick glance. Somehow, Ash couldn’t tear his eyes away so easily.

When he did eventually, Max and Jessica were smiling at him.

“So, you gonna go to Japan once you’re back on your feet?” Max asked.

Ash tensed. Next to him, Eiji leaned away a little, giving him space.

"I--"

...

“Maybe for a short visit,” Ash said to Eiji after they were gone.

The sun had gone down, and outside, the city lights shone brightly.


End file.
